Tuesday Tips &Techniques - Wedding Etiquette
This is such a touchy topic, and I know a lot of people can take offense. Please know that I only have the best interests of the bride and groom and their wedding party at heart. It is their day, and they should be treated with the utmost respect.
In this digital age, when prosumer cameras are so easy to come by, everyone wants to bring one along to document life. Nothing wrong with that! In fact, in most cases, I encourage it. I love that so many people can enjoy all the little moments of life by reliving those memories through pictures. But there is a time and a place for everything, even for picture taking.
When I did stage acting back in the day, before any performance the audience was informed that no flash photography (and some times no photography at all) was permitted during performances. Why? Because it is INSANELY distracting and unnerving. When you are up on stage the lights are pretty bright and you can't see much. But you definitely CAN see the bright pops of light from flashes. And when you are trying to remain in character and remember lines, etc, those bright pops can just be so annoying. Also, some of our performances were being recorded, and all those bright pops interfered with the video, not to mention the click-click-click of cameras. Who want to listen to that during a performance? It's just as bad as people whispering.
The same is true for a wedding ceremony. This is a very personal moment between a bride and groom, and they have invited you to share it. When I first started doing wedding photos, I would have brides and grooms complain that it was hard for them to concentrate on each other because the whole room would be filled with people taking pictures. Those bright little flashes again. The couples were VERY aware that they were being watched and recorded, and they simply could not "live in the moment".
There was another problem. There are some moments that are so extremely important in a wedding - the bride's entrance, exchanging rings, the first kiss, etc. These moments happen very quickly, so the photographer has a very small (sometimes even instantaneous) window to get the shot. But what if everyone else with camera is trying to get the same shot? All those other flashes will start popping at the same time, and the result will be an image that is severely "flashed-out". And no amount of photoshop can fix it. Sad to say, I have had several otherwise great images ruined by too many flashes going off at the same time.
The logical idea would be to simply ask people to turn off their flash. This is actually a requirement in many churches. Simple, right? Well, you would be amazed at how many people do not know how to turn the flash off on their camera. Before any given wedding I would have to walk around the room helping people turn the flashes off on their cameras. The problem with turning the flash off, of course, is that many cameras simply do not function well in low light, and you are likely to get a lot of motion blur.
Here is another little problem, one I face regularly. I cannot tell you how many times I have tried to do photos of the whole venue, only to have someone STANDING UP to take their own pictures!! Right in the middle of the crowd! Not only does this ruin the shot for me, but it is also annoying for guests sitting around and behind that person.
Here is a great story. One day I was shooting in a wedding in fairly small venue. It seated about 70 people, but there were about 120 in attendance (the bride and groom thought they would not have that many people show up!). So it was very crowded, with people standing at the back of the room, and even some outside the doors. I kept the central aisle open, as it was the only place I could move around to get my shots. There was one man in particular that was causing me problems. Although he (and all the other guests), had been asked to remain seated throughout the ceremony, and to turn off flashes), he felt he was somehow above this. Several times he would pop up out of his seat to get a better shot. I kept giving him pointed looks, which I know he saw, but he ignored it. The finally straw was at the end, right before the couples kiss. I was standing about half way up the aisle, ready for the kiss, when all of a sudden my field of vision was blocked by someone's head. The guy had actually moved right into the aisle, right in front of me so that HE could get the shot! With his little point and shoot camera, no less! I was not about to have one of the most important moments of the wedding ruined by a wannabe. I quietly reached around him, grabbed his camera, and gave it to a woman sitting across the aisle. Then I looked at the man and pointed to his seat. There were a few chuckles, as others knew he had certainly earned it. And I did get the shot.
Some photographers do not mind if others take photos during the ceremony, but there have just been too many times when things go wrong. So for me personally, I usually request that no photography of ANY kind is permitted during the ceremony, and there is a sign at the door to remind people of this.
What about after the ceremony? Everyone is getting set up for those great formal shots, and you want to get in on the action. Folks, that is just plain rude. There is really no other way to say it. If your friend hired a professional contractor to remodel their kitchen, do you then show up with your little tool box? Hopefully not. The couple paid a good deal of money to hire a professional to capture those special moments of their day. They have a much harder time getting great photos if their groups are looking every which way at a hundred different cameras. Furthermore, during the bridal portraits, the photographer is trying to capture the intimate relationship between the bride and groom. This is infinitely more challenging when everyone else is standing around watching and taking their own photos. Best to leave them alone and check out their wedding album later.
Some photographers do not mind having a few groupies hanging around. They allow family members to get the shots they want, then ask them to step aside so he or she can do the professional shots. If this is the case for you, please be polite and put your camera down when the photographer steps in. And do not EVER think you are more important than the hired photographer. Yes, I have actually had guests push me out of the way so they could get their shots. Unbelievable. Puts me in a bad mood, which makes the rest of my photos not as great as they could be.
Finally there is the reception. NOW you can bring out your camera! Take LOTS of pictures!! I don't think there are any photographers that discourage others from taking photos during the reception. There is often a lot going on, so there is always SOMETHING to take a picture of. Just be aware of where the hired pro is so you are not in their way, especially during certain events, such as the first dance, cutting of the cake, and bouquet toss.
I know it is hard for some to learn that they shouldn't take photos during the wedding. Particularly if it is close family member, such as a sibling, cousin, grandchild, etc. But remember, the wedding is all about the bride and groom, and I am sure everyone will agree that we want their day to be the best possible, and we hope they will have the best possible memories to cherish.
If you are not sure what the rules are, talk to the bride and groom. But really, it is best to leave the camera alone until the reception. Just relax and enjoy the day!
In this digital age, when prosumer cameras are so easy to come by, everyone wants to bring one along to document life. Nothing wrong with that! In fact, in most cases, I encourage it. I love that so many people can enjoy all the little moments of life by reliving those memories through pictures. But there is a time and a place for everything, even for picture taking.
When I did stage acting back in the day, before any performance the audience was informed that no flash photography (and some times no photography at all) was permitted during performances. Why? Because it is INSANELY distracting and unnerving. When you are up on stage the lights are pretty bright and you can't see much. But you definitely CAN see the bright pops of light from flashes. And when you are trying to remain in character and remember lines, etc, those bright pops can just be so annoying. Also, some of our performances were being recorded, and all those bright pops interfered with the video, not to mention the click-click-click of cameras. Who want to listen to that during a performance? It's just as bad as people whispering.
The same is true for a wedding ceremony. This is a very personal moment between a bride and groom, and they have invited you to share it. When I first started doing wedding photos, I would have brides and grooms complain that it was hard for them to concentrate on each other because the whole room would be filled with people taking pictures. Those bright little flashes again. The couples were VERY aware that they were being watched and recorded, and they simply could not "live in the moment".
There was another problem. There are some moments that are so extremely important in a wedding - the bride's entrance, exchanging rings, the first kiss, etc. These moments happen very quickly, so the photographer has a very small (sometimes even instantaneous) window to get the shot. But what if everyone else with camera is trying to get the same shot? All those other flashes will start popping at the same time, and the result will be an image that is severely "flashed-out". And no amount of photoshop can fix it. Sad to say, I have had several otherwise great images ruined by too many flashes going off at the same time.
The logical idea would be to simply ask people to turn off their flash. This is actually a requirement in many churches. Simple, right? Well, you would be amazed at how many people do not know how to turn the flash off on their camera. Before any given wedding I would have to walk around the room helping people turn the flashes off on their cameras. The problem with turning the flash off, of course, is that many cameras simply do not function well in low light, and you are likely to get a lot of motion blur.
Here is another little problem, one I face regularly. I cannot tell you how many times I have tried to do photos of the whole venue, only to have someone STANDING UP to take their own pictures!! Right in the middle of the crowd! Not only does this ruin the shot for me, but it is also annoying for guests sitting around and behind that person.
Here is a great story. One day I was shooting in a wedding in fairly small venue. It seated about 70 people, but there were about 120 in attendance (the bride and groom thought they would not have that many people show up!). So it was very crowded, with people standing at the back of the room, and even some outside the doors. I kept the central aisle open, as it was the only place I could move around to get my shots. There was one man in particular that was causing me problems. Although he (and all the other guests), had been asked to remain seated throughout the ceremony, and to turn off flashes), he felt he was somehow above this. Several times he would pop up out of his seat to get a better shot. I kept giving him pointed looks, which I know he saw, but he ignored it. The finally straw was at the end, right before the couples kiss. I was standing about half way up the aisle, ready for the kiss, when all of a sudden my field of vision was blocked by someone's head. The guy had actually moved right into the aisle, right in front of me so that HE could get the shot! With his little point and shoot camera, no less! I was not about to have one of the most important moments of the wedding ruined by a wannabe. I quietly reached around him, grabbed his camera, and gave it to a woman sitting across the aisle. Then I looked at the man and pointed to his seat. There were a few chuckles, as others knew he had certainly earned it. And I did get the shot.
Some photographers do not mind if others take photos during the ceremony, but there have just been too many times when things go wrong. So for me personally, I usually request that no photography of ANY kind is permitted during the ceremony, and there is a sign at the door to remind people of this.
What about after the ceremony? Everyone is getting set up for those great formal shots, and you want to get in on the action. Folks, that is just plain rude. There is really no other way to say it. If your friend hired a professional contractor to remodel their kitchen, do you then show up with your little tool box? Hopefully not. The couple paid a good deal of money to hire a professional to capture those special moments of their day. They have a much harder time getting great photos if their groups are looking every which way at a hundred different cameras. Furthermore, during the bridal portraits, the photographer is trying to capture the intimate relationship between the bride and groom. This is infinitely more challenging when everyone else is standing around watching and taking their own photos. Best to leave them alone and check out their wedding album later.
Some photographers do not mind having a few groupies hanging around. They allow family members to get the shots they want, then ask them to step aside so he or she can do the professional shots. If this is the case for you, please be polite and put your camera down when the photographer steps in. And do not EVER think you are more important than the hired photographer. Yes, I have actually had guests push me out of the way so they could get their shots. Unbelievable. Puts me in a bad mood, which makes the rest of my photos not as great as they could be.
Finally there is the reception. NOW you can bring out your camera! Take LOTS of pictures!! I don't think there are any photographers that discourage others from taking photos during the reception. There is often a lot going on, so there is always SOMETHING to take a picture of. Just be aware of where the hired pro is so you are not in their way, especially during certain events, such as the first dance, cutting of the cake, and bouquet toss.
I know it is hard for some to learn that they shouldn't take photos during the wedding. Particularly if it is close family member, such as a sibling, cousin, grandchild, etc. But remember, the wedding is all about the bride and groom, and I am sure everyone will agree that we want their day to be the best possible, and we hope they will have the best possible memories to cherish.
If you are not sure what the rules are, talk to the bride and groom. But really, it is best to leave the camera alone until the reception. Just relax and enjoy the day!
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